Social Distancing, Sex Toys, & Suppressed Libido

Social Distancing and isolation in the wake of COVID-19 has indelibly changed how we interact with our friends, families, partners and communities. From things like being more conscientious about respecting people’s space to wearing masks in public as a more common feature of everyday life, it’s inevitable that these social shifts would impact our sex lives too. 

While you’re probably being inundated with articles about people buying sex toys to occupy themselves, public health messages about how to stay safe from COVID if you absolutely have to have sex, and 24/7 horny hours on Twitter, it’s also important to remember that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic and collapsing economy. To call this moment in time anxiety-inducing is a massive understatement. 

We’ve collectively been in flight or fight mode for the better part of 2 months and our bodies are just not meant to sustain this level of cortisol (stress hormone) production for such a long period of time. For some of us the more acute symptoms of stress are subsiding and what we may be thinking of as an adjustment to the “new normal” could be our bodies’ ways of adjusting how we function. So while we may not feel as anxious as we did when this first started, we have no way to tell what the long term effects of this will be on our bodies, or our mental health. We’re basically in an extending grief and coping period for the foreseeable future.

One of the ways that people have been managing their anxiety, though, is by focusing on what they can control and adjusting the ways they look for pleasure in order to: 

1. Kill time since we’re still stuck inside 

2. Try to boost production of some happy hormones like dopamine or serotonin

3. Manage their loneliness, which is necessary for everyone but especially people who are isolating alone.

It almost goes without saying that masturbation, in general, checks all of those boxes. But let’s say you took a trip over to my friends at Just Mindful and found something you liked from their massive selection of vibrators for example, but when it arrived it was the last thing you wanted to use or look at because your sex drive has taken a nosedive because of anxiety. Is that normal and even if it’s not, how can you fix it?

While sex and masturbation can be stress relievers, a global pandemic that has severely altered the global economy has thrown us into a form of “survival stress”. This is one of the most common reasons that your libido is in the toilet, because your lizard brain has kicked in and you need to focus on keeping yourself and your family alive. Biologically, having sex for pleasure or procreation isn’t much of a necessity right now since it doesn’t help you in the short term so it’s not something your body feels the need to give much energy to. 

As a generally anxious person myself, I certainly felt this kind of libido drop during the early weeks of lockdown. Couple this stress with spending more time with our partners (for those of us who are partnered and mostly staying at home), different eating/exercise habits, or a fear of getting pregnant during *gestures wildly* all of this, and it’s a perfect mix for a non-existent sex drive.   

But the good news is that it’s likely not permanent, especially if this is the first time this has happened to you. If you’re actively trying to get back in the metaphorical saddle, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. First, we are still in the middle of a pandemic, regardless of what our respective state governments are trying to force us to do. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel back to “normal” even if you really want to be. Be patient with yourself and try not to get bogged down in guilt for not wanting to masturbate or have sex. It’s your body’s way of reminding you that as far as it’s concerned, there are more important things to focus on. 

Secondly, it’s a great idea to use this as a good reason to reconnect with your sensuality. Engaging your senses even if you’re not actively seeking an orgasm by setting the mood and turning inward to reconnect with your body is a great practice to start during a time like this. But it’s also okay if you don’t even want to do that! Waking up and keeping ourselves fed and hydrated is really all we need to focus on right now.

There’s no guidebook for any of this. Whether you’re only focusing on getting through each day, finding new ways to feel pleasure with yourself, or trying to manage a relationship with a new sexual dynamic, it’s okay not to have all of the answers. It’s also okay to feel different day to day. Finding peace and connection with yourself and others (virtually, unless they already live with you) is just one way to get through this.

Many thanks to my friends at Just Mindful for their support in writing this post!

Review: Vibease Jewel Collection - Emerald

Vibease Jewel Collection.

Image Source

About the Emerald

The Vibease Emerald is part of their newest collection, called the Jewel Collection. In addition to the Emerald, there’s also the Ruby, a slender flutter-type vibe, and Onyx, a vibrating cock ring.

The Emerald itself is solidly hand- sized and comes in this beautiful seafoam green color. It has two prongs on top that are described by the company as “rabbit ears”, but they’re not pliable or flexible like a traditional rabbit vibrator. The Emerald is definitely built for clitoral stimulation only as opposed to penetration, but In a world of products that are meant to do both, it’s nice to have one that does one thing and does it well.

Specs

The Emerald is made from phthalate-free silicone, so it’s body-safe, water-resistant, and non-toxic. It’s rechargeable and comes with a charging cord. To charge it, use the included cord and plug it into the port on the right side (when looking at it from the front). There’s a built in LED light that will turn on during charging, rotating between soft green and white. When it’s done charging the light will be solid white. The first charge after unboxing will take about 2 hours, and about 1 hour for subsequent complete charges.

How to Use It?

Part of the Emerald’s beauty is in its simplicity because there’s only one button for power and cycling through the patterns. Once the charging is done, take it off, and press (DON’T hold) the power button to turn it on. When you do this, the LED light should turn on and start rotating through all of the colors. This gave me issues the first time I used it because I’m used to pressing and holding the buttons on vibrators to turn them on. Also chalk this up to me not reading the instructions before I started playing around with it.

Once the Emerald is on, press the power button again to start cycling through the seven, color-coded patterns. There are two steady, buzzy, patterns that increase in power and four pulsing patterns. There’s another hybrid pattern that pulses right when you switch to it but holds steady otherwise. The color-changing LED light sets the Emerald apart from a lot of toys in my collection in a good way because it allows you to remember your favorite patterns by sight rather than feel alone. The light also dims and brightens with the pulsation pattern which is a nice visual effect.

Using It!

Like with all the toys I review, I prefer to use them by myself and with a partner to get an idea of the situations they’re best suited for. Because the Emerald is so small, it’s super easy to use it with a penetrative toy or body part without too much adjustment. Some people take issue with vibrations that you can feel in the part of a toy that you can hold, but because the Emerald is so small it can’t be avoided. It doesn’t personally bother me but is something to keep in mind.

The two prongs are meant to sit on either side of the clitoris (or nipple, now that i’m thinking about it). Making a toy with inflexible prongs inherently means that it will not suit everyone’s anatomy perfectly, but it worked just fine for me. Other reviews like this one from CaraSutra, describe ways to adjust positioning if the prongs are too wide, like turning it sideways.

Don’t let the size fool you, this thing is POWERFUL. I normally prefer steady, buzzy-ish vibrations as opposed to more rumbly or pulsing patterns. With the Emerald, the two stronger steady patterns are actually too strong and buzzy for my liking unless I’m sufficiently warmed up already (like with a partner), and I prefer the pulsating patterns the most for solo use. I highly recommend switching how you hold the Emerald as well as where you place it relative to your clitoris to get an idea of the different feelings.

Cleaning

Cleaning the Emerald is incredibly easy. Soap and water with a quick pat dry from a clean towel does the trick.

Conclusion

I love this toy a lot. It’s definitely part of my regular rotation, helped a lot by its ease of use and versatility between individual and partnered situations. The LED lights add a beautiful visual component that just makes the experience very chef’s kiss. Thank you so much to the team at Vibease for sending me one to try out!

If you want to give the Emerald a try, you can check it out here: Vibease Jewel Collection .

Make sure to use code SEXOLOGYBAE at check out for 20% OFF!

Vibease Review: A High Tech, App-Controlled Vibrator

Here we go with another vibrator that works hands-free! If you’ve read my review of the Eva II by Dame Products, you’ll know that I have a love-hate relationship with hands-free vibrators. They sound great in theory and can definitely get the job done, but generally don’t cooperate with my anatomy.

Enter (pun kind of intended) the Vibease. The Vibease is primarily marketed as a wearable, app-controlled vibrator.

It’s small, about palm sized, and silicone covered with a hook-like nub at the end. This nub is designed to sit flush against the external part of the clit. This design choice wasn’t particularly helpful for me and I’ll explain why a bit later. It’s fairly basic design-wise, with two buttons at the base for power and switching the speed.

The vibrations are incredibly muted even at the higher intensities, so this isn’t something you’d want to pull out if you’re in a rush or just want to get the job done. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that a lot of the time, masturbating is just a means to an end and we disconnect ourselves from the actual act in pursuit of orgasm. That isn’t always a bad thing, let me say.

But the Vibease is supposed to encourage a more sensual, intentional approach to masturbation which can be a welcome change of pace.

Because part of the fantasy the Vibease sells is about the ability to use it in a wherever, whenever kind of situation, the small size and low-key vibrations are definitely marked in the “pros” column in that regard. But just how wearable is it? Does the app actually work?

Feature 1: The App

VIbease control screen within the app. Moving the bubbles up, down, left, or right changes the speed and intensity of the vibrations.

The Vibease app (available on the App Store and Google Play) is truly the bread and butter of this product. Sync your Vibease to the app via Bluetooth and you can control it, give control of it to someone else, and listen to downloadable Erotica Audiobooks that sync vibrations with the pace of the story.

While the audiobooks are a unique feature, they didn’t do much for me as I’m not the biggest fan of erotica in general - I much prefer visual stimulation.

The bigger issue for me though, is that selection of books was very white and seemed pretty basic. I didn’t see much diversity on the covers of each audiobook, which leads me to believe that the content is written for an audience that I’m not part of.

This is unfortunate, because I would’ve felt inclined to at least give an audiobook a try if the selection was more representative. I don’t know the process for developing or submitting audiobooks for inclusion within the Vibease database, but this seems like a fairly avoidable oversight.

Options within a chat in the app.

There’s a bit of a learning curve with using the chat and control features of the app, though. There aren’t too many directions or help guides, so be ready for a bit of trial and error.

I used the app to give control of my Vibease to my partner while he was in Chicago on a work trip and it worked like a charm after we figured it all out.

Within the chat section of the app, there are options to do things like voice call, video chat, and even send voice memos to make the experience more dynamic.

Feature 2: Wearability

Where something like the Eva II is designed to be used with a partner, the Vibease is meant to be used on your own. This toy is not at all practical for partnered activity because it’s SLIPPERY. There’s also nothing that can actually hold it in place, except for a hand or someone else’s pelvis. Maybe labia if they’re long enough, but that is definitely not factored into the design.

But the Vibease knows it isn’t the most compatible for physically partnered play. In fact, that’s where it shines through the use of the app that allows someone else to control it. The person in control can use it to tease the wearer throughout the day, during a meal, really whenever they want to. And it’s quiet enough to make that feasible.

For me though, putting it in my underwear and trying to use it like a traditional panty vibrator just didn’t work. The biggest problem is that it won’t sit right against my body, so it always required manual assistance and repositioning for me to actually get off.

The nub that’s supposed to lie against the clit would just press against part of my clitoral hood which caused uncomfortable pressure for me, so I would turn it upside down and put the nub further down, on my actual clit.

This also meant that putting it in my underwear didn’t work because it would just kind of slide around the part of my vulva between the apex of my labia majora and actual clit. Positioning aside though, I couldn’t get enough pressure from the Vibease when it was in the right position and I would try to use it hands free by clenching my thighs together.

So while it wasn’t exactly a monumental failure, the Vibease fell short for me in a lot of respects. Every vibrator isn’t compatible with every body, and I don’t want to imply that the Vibease is inferior just because it wasn’t the right one for ME.

I quite enjoyed my experience with the Vibease overall because it made me slow down and really focus on what I was trying to do instead of speed to the finish line. The app is pretty robust and decently user friendly, and it is impressive to have such a high level of control over the vibrations I want. I’d suggest it to anyone looking to step into sex tech and interested in taking distance play to a new level.

Want one for yourself? You can get your own Vibease here!